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Magic mirror on the wall, who is the fairest one of all? – Brothers Grimm
A boy comes running home crying, “Daddy, I fell off my bike!” His dad replies, “Well, you should be more careful next time.” Not earth-shatteringly inappropriate, but consider the underlying message: the boy did something wrong and is incompetent. Now, imagine if the dad said, “That’s okay, everyone falls off their bike. I know you’ll get back on and do great.”
While seemingly simple, this response sends a very different message: falling off a bike is normal and has nothing to do with the boy’s capabilities. It also role models resilience.
Psychotherapists call this mirroring. It is one of the most important roles of a parent. How you respond to your children – your tone of voice, your words, your body language – plays a crucial role in how they see themselves. Communication that normalizes a child’s behavior, supports their feelings, and encourages problem-solving improves their self-esteem. On the other hand, negative or even inconsistent mirroring does the opposite.
This is why it is crucial for parents to understand child psychology: so they can respond appropriately to normal behaviors such as temper tantrums, acting out, defiance, impulsivity, avoidance, and more.
To make up for dysfunctional mirroring in childhood, many adults unconsciously rely on other people as mirrors for reassurance. Pathology is determined by how much a person’s need for validation interferes with functioning.
Which brings me to Donald Trump. What the public sees as bragging and name-calling mental health experts reccognize as defense mechanisms of someone incapable of self-validating. He does not have the self-worth necessary to be open to self-improvement. Trump’s sense-of-self is reliant on the reflection of others. Every person he encounters is like a mirror to him. This is why he’s incapable of brushing off criticism and why he relishes political rallies. It’s also why Trump cares less about having real achievements and more about being recognized for achievements he doesn’t have.
Donald Trump is like a cup with a hole in it. No matter how much positive feedback he receives, he will keep needing more. Without it, he is empty.
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