1. What is the root cause of anxiety?
There are three causes of anxiety: fear of harm to self or others, fear of rejection and fear of failure. All three are innate but, because we face fewer physical threats than we did a million years ago, fear of rejection and failure are more common. Fear of physical harm is closely associated with panic while rejection and failure tend to cause generalized anxiety, or what we commonly call worry. In my video, “Does anxiety ever go away?” I explain why we have anxiety.
2. How do I overcome my anxiety?
Ask yourself, “What am I afraid will happen?” Be specific. If you’re afraid of getting into a car accident, how? If you’re afraid no one will want to date you, why? If you’re afraid of being a bad parent, what does that mean? “What’s in my control?” IOW, what can you do differently to prevent the thing you’re afraid of? The more you do what’s in your control. The less anxious you feel. In my video, “Why can’t I relax and stop thinking,” I explain what doesn’t work.
3. Does anxiety ever go away?
The short answer is no, but for good reason. Like physical discomfort, anxiety is your brain’s way of warning you of a need or threat you’re overlooking. When you feel anxious, chances are you’re feeling out of control about something. Identify what it is and then ask yourself, “What’s in my control?” As long as life is unpredictable, anxiety will be a part of it. But that’s not the problem. It’s how most people cope with anxiety that makes it worse. My video, “Why am I so negative and unhappy?” explains why negative thinking doesn’t work and what does.
4. Why can’t I relax and stop thinking?
Overthinking or worrying is common but it’s also unnecessary. It’s a negative way of coping with anxiety. It feels like you’re doing something to reduce your anxiety, but it’s a false sense of control bc you’re not doing anything. Whenever you catch yourself overthinking, stop. Ask yourself, “What am I afraid of?” and “What’s in my control to avoid it?”
5. How do I calm my worry and anxiety?
With cognitive, behavioral and emotional coping skills for managing anxiety. You don’t have a crystal ball, but you can have a toolbox full of coping skills to take with you wherever you go. The more tools you have, the more confident you feel bc you know that no matter what happens, you have the skills to manage it. Check out my video, “Why can’t I relax and stop thinking?” for coping tools.
6. Why am I so negative and unhappy?
Negativity is an unhealthy way of coping with problems that can cause unhappiness. Human beings like feeling in control. Negative thinking does the opposite. It makes you feel hopeless and helpless. There’s a difference between negative thinking and anticipating negative outcomes, which involves problem-solving what’s in your control. You can learn from your mistakes and prevent future ones without being hard on yourself. Check out my video on overcoming anxiety to learn how.
7. How is negative thinking like chocolate cake?
Sometimes when we’re upset, we might reach for chocolate cake. Negative thinking is no different. Mind-reading, over-analyzing, self-criticizing, second-guessing, and comparing are common coping strategies for feeling out of control. But all they do is make you feel worse. Check out my video, “Why am I so negative and unhappy?” for more about negative thinking.
8. What’s the difference between anxiety and worry?
Anxiety is a feeling. Worrying is a thought process. Anxiety is innate. Worrying is a choice. When you worry, you’re either anticipating something bad happening or rehashing something that's happened. Your mind is not where your body is, which can hinder your ability to respond.
Take-Aways
1. There are three root causes of anxiety.
2. Anxiety exists to help you identify a need or threat you’re overlooking.
3. As long as life is unpredictable, you will experience anxiety but you can use it to your advantage.
4. Overthinking is a negative way of coping with anxiety and is unnecessary.
5. The more you do what’s in your control, the less anxious you feel.
6. Negative thinking gives you a false sense of control but makes you feel worse.
7. Negative thinking is really a coping strategy, like food.
Comments